So Kiss me and smile for me

From a very VERY young age, I've always wanted to be in love. My YaiYai loved watching old Cary Grant movies where the woman was always dressed to the nines and the movie ended so happily with that extra-long last kiss. When I got little crushes in elementary or middle school, I always claimed I was IN love. Thought I will admit I was.. a bit boy crazy.. I think that sparked from the fact that I wanted to be in love so badly.

This will not be a blog about how lucky I am that I'm in love. Yes, its true, I am. Or I believe I am at least. Who can ever be so sure? Theres no set standards of love or emotions. But in my heart, I do think that I am in love. But this is besides the point..

My point is this. I do not regret one thing thats happend in my love life but.. I never allowed myself the opportunity to NOT be in love. I was always seeking a relationship or a boy to latch onto for a few weeks. I was always looking. As independent as I feel I am, I felt more content and together with a boy that I could call my own. I was the "long-term" girl. I didn't think I was until I looked behind me and saw that the majority of my highschool (I think 72% of it.. I came up with) I was in a relationship. Now not everyone is the same.. of course. There was the first, the serious, the crazy, the cheating, the emotionally unavailable, the too easy, the too scared- everything. But for that much of my time, my name was not isolated alone. It was always myself and "boy-of-the-moment."

I haven't changed much at all. This is just a relization. I'm a firm supporter of love and the idea that love can heal all.. but what if that's not the only option. What if all those deluded cheesy movies made me into a person who I was never supposed to be.

My best friend has not been with a guy for a little over a year now and she's so content. She doesn't look..and if something happens she ususally decides its not the right time in her life to be with someone. I admire her because, she can be without another being. I'm not entirely sure I can. I'm a spirited, firey outgoing person but without that title of boyfriend, would I be?

These are all just thoughts. Maybe I could be something different without always having to depend on love. Maybe I could be perfectly content living my life in my career and passions and just find great nice guys to have fun with.

However, that is not me. It never has been. There may come a day when I realize thats the path for me.. but I highly doubt it.

So hello.. my name is Alexis.. and I am a relationship-a-holic.

This is definitely not a Nashville party

Everyone is getting sick and sadly, I'm falling into that as well. The seasonal hack cough is circulating and I find myself coughing/sneezing into my elbow more often than not. Thanks Miss Sharon for telling me to cough there. I'm sure I've saved people diseases by it.

I'm sitting in music theory right now. I hate this class. With a pretty high passion. I'm doing horrible and my teacher is difficult. Nice guy. Pretty funny. Probably shouldn't teach.

Going home this weekend for the state fair and to hang with the family. Nothing feels more like home than the State Fair of Virginia. It reeks class.

Partying more on the weekday than the weekend. Compensation or addiction? You decide.

I want rehearsals to really pick up. I'm tired of line-thrus and boring blocking i'm not apart of. Lets gooo Othellooooo.

Okay my teacher just put on an Irish Madrigal song. This is sick. I love this shit. Mann why does he make me want to like him so much?

I'm just people watching the other people watching me

I want to get my nose peirced. I think it would look cute. I'm going today with Laura to get her tattoo and I know I'm gonna walk in there and want a peircing or tattoo. Its bad for meee...

Unsettling feelings lately. Just have to re-evaluate things. Not sure what will come of it at all. I guess.. let the road lead me there?

Unfortunately, I'm about to literally walk down a road to a tattoo parlor. Bad idea, huh?

Things just need to be settled. I feel like thats all I write about. Settle things.. change things.. howbout I make up my gd mind.

Must call mom. Must study for human development. Must not get a nosering while i'm in a show. Must clean kitchen. Must take out trash. Must get organized and get my head straight.

I must I must.

Hey baby babyyy

I am with the same group of people on the weekdays, weeknights, weekends and weekend nights.

And I have absolutely positively no problem with that at all.

In fact, I love it.

haHA!

Born by the weather and the wind

Things are things are things are things.

Things are going well. Everyone always asks about things. THINGS are just dandy.

Rehearsals picking up and i'm excited. I have auditions for Our Town on Friday and i'm oddly nervous.

I've been watching movies constantly. As much as I can. I cannot get enough of them.

I went to the study abroad office today and got incredibly excited about my possible expeditions to.. well anywhere.

Theres something for me over there. And I wont rest til I find out what it is.

Who is Keyser Soce?

In my field of study, I think it's necessary to watch movies. I currently have 30+ movies on my Netflix queue and I can't wait to watch them all. I got The Usual Suspects in right when I got to school and it was sitting on my desk and FINALLY on a lazy sunday when a cookout was cancelled, I put it in.

I forgot how in love with movies I am. I mean movies, yes, but really really good movies. I was BLOWN AWAY by the Departed and when I told my friends that they ALL said to watch this one and hell, I loved it. I didn't get into it at first and I was far too confused than I expected but then.. it picked up and I was starting to get angry at my roomates because I couldn't hear every word being said.

I loved it. I love movies. Even though I was alone, I loveddd it. I had no one to talk to or get excited with but, that's how I watched The Departed. I was confused (which I LOVE) and... its wonderful. Simply, genius.

Hmmm.. whats next? Big Fish. I've heard good things about it..

Quit it

Everything please stop being unsteady. Give me a pattern. Stability. Please.

There's this weird knot on my wrist that hurts. Hello hypochondriac self.

Its funny, yet again I say that I want things to be steady but I'm getting bored with my daily schedule. At least rehearsal starts next week. LINES LINES LINES.

"Tis not a year or two shows us a man

They are all but stomachs and we all but food.

They eat us hungerly and when they are full,

they belch us."