So Kiss me and smile for me

From a very VERY young age, I've always wanted to be in love. My YaiYai loved watching old Cary Grant movies where the woman was always dressed to the nines and the movie ended so happily with that extra-long last kiss. When I got little crushes in elementary or middle school, I always claimed I was IN love. Thought I will admit I was.. a bit boy crazy.. I think that sparked from the fact that I wanted to be in love so badly.

This will not be a blog about how lucky I am that I'm in love. Yes, its true, I am. Or I believe I am at least. Who can ever be so sure? Theres no set standards of love or emotions. But in my heart, I do think that I am in love. But this is besides the point..

My point is this. I do not regret one thing thats happend in my love life but.. I never allowed myself the opportunity to NOT be in love. I was always seeking a relationship or a boy to latch onto for a few weeks. I was always looking. As independent as I feel I am, I felt more content and together with a boy that I could call my own. I was the "long-term" girl. I didn't think I was until I looked behind me and saw that the majority of my highschool (I think 72% of it.. I came up with) I was in a relationship. Now not everyone is the same.. of course. There was the first, the serious, the crazy, the cheating, the emotionally unavailable, the too easy, the too scared- everything. But for that much of my time, my name was not isolated alone. It was always myself and "boy-of-the-moment."

I haven't changed much at all. This is just a relization. I'm a firm supporter of love and the idea that love can heal all.. but what if that's not the only option. What if all those deluded cheesy movies made me into a person who I was never supposed to be.

My best friend has not been with a guy for a little over a year now and she's so content. She doesn't look..and if something happens she ususally decides its not the right time in her life to be with someone. I admire her because, she can be without another being. I'm not entirely sure I can. I'm a spirited, firey outgoing person but without that title of boyfriend, would I be?

These are all just thoughts. Maybe I could be something different without always having to depend on love. Maybe I could be perfectly content living my life in my career and passions and just find great nice guys to have fun with.

However, that is not me. It never has been. There may come a day when I realize thats the path for me.. but I highly doubt it.

So hello.. my name is Alexis.. and I am a relationship-a-holic.