She says you're a masochist for falling for me

Hello friends.

Haven't quite updated in a long time. I've been busy. Oh thats not true. I had all of thanksgiving break but.. okay really there's no excuse. Take my apology, please.

Othello was a blur. I can't believe its over. I feel like I might have been the lone person who was sad to see it go. Everyone was kind of over it. But I loved it. It was the first time that I could shine. And I feel like I did.

I made another show for next semester! Yep another "rehearse all semester for a show at the end of the semester" show. Two shows my sophomore year. Tied for last year. If you can say that really..

Break was fun. It was fun being with my family but I always kind of turn into this odd person I don't recognize with my family. I mean I have fun but i'm the baby. So.. i'm not really included. So I slink off every now and then. Take a long bathroom break just to sit by myself. Its odd. But I can't really help it. It's kind of how i've always been

School is great. I love it. I've missed it. Home was kind of boring besides crazy family time. The routine of school is just so nice. Its familiar but unpredictable. Its my family away from family. I love it here. And things.. are really great in that department that is :)

I'm not thinking about the end of the next two weeks. I just.. don't want to think of it. It'll come. I'll prepare as much or as little as possible. But I'm going to just.. relax. For now.

Nostalgia choking sight

Got bored in class today and started looking at my old AOL emails and Gmail Emails. Found some stuff that made me smile. Found some stuff that made me cry. It was very interesting.

I've realized how much I've changed.

I've realized how much I haven't changed.

Since college I've thought that the high school friends were the "petty" relationships. They were superficial and not real. But, I think i've proved myself wrong. I love my college friends/family. They're wonderful. But they don't know me like my home friends do (all three of them..). They don't know my family. My house. How theres NOTHING to do in Short Pump. I mean.. I can create new stuff with them.. but its not the same. I think I got things mixed up..

I also saw a lot more exboyfriend stuff than I wanted to. Really good/cute things. And then the awful. I got really uncomfortable when I read that one.

I saw friends who I haven't thought of in years. I remembered words I used to say. Things I used to think about. I feel like the past was so solid. I feel very shaky about the present. But is that how it works? The present is unbalanced until its the past? Then it firms and hardens?

Haha the best was one chat conversation in which I liked four boys at once. That was my delimma. HAH!

Time to go act. Shows almost done. VERY sweet/sour. The good thing is I got cast in Dark Play for next semester :) that makes me very very happy.

I might update with more thoughts on the past..

I will take the chain from off the door

I have the worst timing.. ever.

Always and forever.

Show opens tomorrow. Here goes nothing..

Look to her Moor

Six hours of doing...nothing.

I'm called for Tech but... considering we've spent six hours and we're not even into Act 2? Don't need to be here. I won't be doing ANYTHING on stage tonight.

I mean.. I guess I wouldn't really be doing anything else anyway. Just laying around. Sleeping. Watching movies. But still.. i'd rather be on my couch than in a theatre where i'm forced to lay down in the hallway.

I'm watching Shakespeare in love. I keep smiling through it. For many reasons. Billy and I have really had a great semester together. Considering i'm doing Othello, learned a shakesperian monologue and scene for ipi and now am watching this.. we're really close.

I guess i'll go back to...sleeping? Watching a movie. Ugh.

If I ever leave this world alive

I keep researching. Right and left. Every chance I get on the computer, I research. I'm waiting. Just waiting. To get on the plane with my overpacked suitcase and iPod. Nervous but excited. Leaving my mom crying behind reminding me to call with the calling card.

I know it's going to happen. Its just the waiting thats killing me.

Check off check off

Its all about lists..

I'm a visual learner/thinker. I can see things and remember them much better than hearing/doing them. So naturally, i'm a list maker.

But I'm getting frustrated. I feel like i'm always constantly trying to check off things on my list. Its like this manic feeling of trying to get the all checked off but I can't. Ever. Its impossible. If i'm done with one thing of homework, I have to catch up on a TV show. I mean.. its not all bad stuff. But.. when am I ever going to NOT have a list?

But it made me think of you

First hit of pain today. I knew it was gonna come. It wasn't terribly bad. Just a poor chance of a shuffled song on my newly found iPod. It came on and then I smiled. And then it faded. I saw myself sink from an outside point of view. It was strange. I'm fine now. Just wasn't expecting to feel pain. I guess its about time, right?

Besides that i'm staying very busy. Halloween weekend was a ball. Thursday night game was a shitshow. Both on the feild and personally for me. Drunkest I've ever been. Up til Friday night that is.

Our party was a success! I think everyone had fun and though I got sick for the first time EVER.. I think it was worth it. I have a billion cute pictures and the parts I remember were wonderful.

I was telling Patty the other day that I got that "thing". I can't explain it. Its that thing in acting where you're just.. in it. You're totally there. I haven't gotten in in about a year because I haven't really had a part, persay, that would allow me to get it. Maybe I got a hint of it in my Plab scene but I haven't gotten it like this in a long time. I did my death scene last night and I was definitely in it. Totally there. I know I was because at the end I felt exhausted, tired, drained. Thats a good feeling. I hope it continues. I've just gotta watch my voice.. its leaving me.

Tech weekend this weekend. Shakespeare scenes due today. Final renderings on Friday. Revisited floorplan and perspective on Monday. Two parties this weekend. Gahh.

I think I'll get through it. I've been getting really good sleep.. so thats good.

Off to be all buddy buddy with Billy Shakespeare again. We have really bonded this semester.