Spin like a record crazy on a Sunday Night

Just updating to update. Not much to say! Besides the fact that this week has gone by dreadly slow. I have a feeling that will be the whole semester, eh?

Harry Potter party last night. Very fun! Dressed up as Devils Snare wore a lot of leaves and green. It was very very fun.

I need the pickup. I need the semester to start going. Go downhill, ya know?

Time to play guitar hero, bathe and go to rehearsal..

Forgot-a-post

Some thoughts bobbling in my head the past few days. They happened when I was feeling down so I think I threw them to the side a little bit but here. Some intense self-assesment..

Claims i've made about myself in past years:

I'm independent, I like being alone, I can do well on my own, I don't need a guy to make me happy, I am confident, I can be serious when need be, I like hogging the bed.

Recent things I've discovered about myself to prove those last statements false:

Independence is deceiving, I like being alone when I constitute WHEN I'm alone, I often times need encouragement or help doing things, I've lived a large chunk of my life with boys how do I know if I can be happy without them, I'm passive about my confidence- which doesn't really equal confidence at all, giggling is my self-defense mechanism, I need something or someone around me in bed.

These are not all bad things. Not at all. A lot just hit me about things I thought I knew. I always say I know myself the best. And honestly, I do. Of course every person knows themselves the best. But I think I've just mis-titled some of my characteristics. Posed under a name I liked better. It's so much easier to play up independence. Its strong and bold. But in reality? I'm heavily relient on other people. Which is totally okay. But why have I, for so long, been pretending otherwise?

You making my dreams come true

Heyyy i'm backk! Officially (well, how official can you be, right?) back to my normal human self again. Just started this shit at a time I just plain shouldn't have. But i'm okay now! Doing much better.

This semester is going to be a crazy train of good times. 2 shows, hokie ambassadors, 19 hours, all theatre classes, shakespeare up the wazooo and being with people that I love love.

We talk to the riva kids constantly. If they weren't 6 hours ahead than I wouldn't be surprised if hours were spent talking. I know some of this is immediate homesickness from them and people sickness from us but I hope we don't lose touch too much. I wouldn't like that very much!

I'm almost in the opposite side of birth control. Randomly i'll start laughing or i'll get really giddy during the day. I definitely like this better.

I'm gonna go rearrange my room. It needs to be done.

Farewell!

Emotional vs. Hormonal?

Since probably of 3 people read my blog, I figured it'd be a good place to write out how i'm feeling. I'm not sure if writing it out HELPS or HURTS but i'm taking my chances with everything!

I just started birth control. WOAH is it rocking my world. Called my mom this morning as an emotional wreck. She read to me the side effects of the birth control and I literally had every single one of them. Nausea, headaches, diziness, nervousness, depression, loss of appetite. Got them all. And what doesn't help is that he left for a semester abroad. I think I would be doing decent if not for this shit. But this shit is amplifying every tiny feeling I have to an extreme level. One second, i'm okay. The next, i'm crazy. So I apologize to anyone if they get the weirdo end of this. I'm trying to force myself to be fun, happy, goofy me again. It'll happen once classes start and my girls get back and I start going out again. I just need to feel like me again.

Seeing him though definitely does help. Right now at least. Not sure if we can keep talking for hours at a time as this semester goes on but right now its exactly what I need.

Love you all. Bear with me for a few weeks!

Double awful timing

Starting BC the day before my boyfriend leaves for another country for 4 months was a bad idea. Bad bad idea.

I really don't know what to blame. But whever it is.. this is terrible for me. I keep telling myself its not gonna be that bad. I'll be fine. Just enjoy my semester for what its worth. A boy doesn't define me or my school year.

I agree with everything I just typed but someone please tell my eyes to stop doing what they're doing. I'm going to be an emotional wreck the next couple of days.

The little things you do to me

I need to learn to be alone. Yes. I need to learn to be independent. Yes. I need to learn that I don't ALWAYS have to have a boy to talk to. Yes. I need to learn to go to bed at night without talking hours to someone. YES.

But why.. please answer this. Why are you so hard to be apart from?

There's a part of me

That really wishes DG would have worked out. I still have that same feeling as I had last year. I have this feeling that i'm supposed to be in a sorority. It's too late now. I've joined and left. I can't do anything about it. But I really do feel like I missed something. Maybe it was just the way sororities appeared or looked from a distance but when I was actually in it.. it wore off. I just remember going through rush wanting to be in one so bad. Was it DG? Would this have happened in any of them? It's too late now, I know. But I can't help thinking about it.