Makes me crinkle my nose

I've been smiling so much lately. Little things. I took a bike ride and just feeling the breeze and looking at the horizon that still takes my breath away made me smile like crazy.

This week went by incredibly slowly. I have a lot to do this week. Tests, quizzes, projects, thursday night game, Henderson opening stuff, halloween party, early saturday classes, real halloween. Its so much isn't it?

I really should get a move on studying. Too bad I have dlab up the wazooo.

I'm still just smiling. I keep watching movies. More and more everyday. I cannot get enough. It really makes me think about my future. I could see myself acting in movies. But can I see my self succeeding? Can I see myself as a "moviestar"? I don't know. All I know is I love what I do... that should be all that matters.

Time to Dlab my life away.

Busy is as busy does

I don't even know what that title means. It just sounded intelligent and witty.

I'm so busy I don't even have time to do my laundry. Or go grocery shopping. Or do any basic necessities.

I'm just going going going going.. not really going anywhere. Just moving. Forward, but stationary. Still here but going there. Where next?

Everything is as new as it seems

Just a quick update while i'm doing dlab...

I'm doing well.. really. I wasn't. But now I am.

I feel like i'm behind.. you know? I feel like I somehow missed out on this part of college for so long that now I don't know how to play again.

It's odd.

Needa step up to the plate, I suppose.

Back to designing my friendddddd

Groovy groovy jazzy funky

Not much to say.. surprisingly.

I'm only updating because I feel like I should. Alex demanded it and I guess... I should have a lot to say.. but I don't.

I still feel the way I felt. I know I did the right thing here, but I feel like something is gonna hit me hard. This went too easy. It was too.. normal. Sure we cried.. but that was it. A few times.. a few kisses and then we were onto laughing and ultimately said goodbye. I feel like it shouldn't go that way. Why didn't we explode at eachother about the things that pissed us off? Or why didn't he bring up the disfunctional things in the relationship? It was.. sad.. but good. Breakups aren't supposed to be like that. When is karma gonna hit me in the face for that being too normal?

We'll see what happens. I've been thinking about this for a while it'll be interesting to see what my life really is like without him.

I took it off facebook today. Just took it off. No "relationship status: single" just.. gone. Wonder if anyone will notice..

My bed feels nice. Really nice. But everything in my world is a little bit different now..

The more $$ we come across the mo' problems we see

The title song just came on in Deets.

Sitting, waiting for Kerry. Just finished my MWF classes for the week. No class friday :)

Have audition tonight! AH! I'm actually not nervous at all. I don't know why but I feel very relaxed. I'm doing well with learning my monologue and there's really nothing else I can do right? I mean the rest of the audition is "movement" work. Whatever that means.

My stomach has reallyyyy been bugging me. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've been training for beerfest and therefore drank beer EVERY night this week. Maybe I have a weird eating pattern now that rehearsals are occupying my normal dinner hours. I have no idea. Regardless.. I really have no desire to eat. And when I do.. my stomach dosent like it.

I'm still not used to my keyboard-y phone. I suck at keyboarding already. Its terrible.

I have no real interesting or philosophical ideas to write about today. Just a normal day. Relaxing. Going to class (although I skipped music theory yesterday. I think it's a little irresponsible to skip the class i'm doing WORST in..), going to rehearsal, everything.

I want to meet new people. I want to be indulged in a place where I can reinvent myself. Not that I'm unhappy with how I am.. or how people think of me.. but I just want to restart. I think everyone needs a little reboot every now and then. However, I want this to be a big reboot.

Ireland, prepare for me.

Diggity dog dig this

Okay I'm getting all philosophic all of the sudden but..

I think the reason that older people go through mid-life crises and are all emotionally effed up is because they never did what they fully wanted to when they were younger.

I'm being selfish and doing exactly what I want to do. Because I feel like if I don't..I won't ever be able to live like I can.

Thats all. Just brain blurbs.

So Kiss me and smile for me

From a very VERY young age, I've always wanted to be in love. My YaiYai loved watching old Cary Grant movies where the woman was always dressed to the nines and the movie ended so happily with that extra-long last kiss. When I got little crushes in elementary or middle school, I always claimed I was IN love. Thought I will admit I was.. a bit boy crazy.. I think that sparked from the fact that I wanted to be in love so badly.

This will not be a blog about how lucky I am that I'm in love. Yes, its true, I am. Or I believe I am at least. Who can ever be so sure? Theres no set standards of love or emotions. But in my heart, I do think that I am in love. But this is besides the point..

My point is this. I do not regret one thing thats happend in my love life but.. I never allowed myself the opportunity to NOT be in love. I was always seeking a relationship or a boy to latch onto for a few weeks. I was always looking. As independent as I feel I am, I felt more content and together with a boy that I could call my own. I was the "long-term" girl. I didn't think I was until I looked behind me and saw that the majority of my highschool (I think 72% of it.. I came up with) I was in a relationship. Now not everyone is the same.. of course. There was the first, the serious, the crazy, the cheating, the emotionally unavailable, the too easy, the too scared- everything. But for that much of my time, my name was not isolated alone. It was always myself and "boy-of-the-moment."

I haven't changed much at all. This is just a relization. I'm a firm supporter of love and the idea that love can heal all.. but what if that's not the only option. What if all those deluded cheesy movies made me into a person who I was never supposed to be.

My best friend has not been with a guy for a little over a year now and she's so content. She doesn't look..and if something happens she ususally decides its not the right time in her life to be with someone. I admire her because, she can be without another being. I'm not entirely sure I can. I'm a spirited, firey outgoing person but without that title of boyfriend, would I be?

These are all just thoughts. Maybe I could be something different without always having to depend on love. Maybe I could be perfectly content living my life in my career and passions and just find great nice guys to have fun with.

However, that is not me. It never has been. There may come a day when I realize thats the path for me.. but I highly doubt it.

So hello.. my name is Alexis.. and I am a relationship-a-holic.