Emotional vs. Hormonal?

Since probably of 3 people read my blog, I figured it'd be a good place to write out how i'm feeling. I'm not sure if writing it out HELPS or HURTS but i'm taking my chances with everything!

I just started birth control. WOAH is it rocking my world. Called my mom this morning as an emotional wreck. She read to me the side effects of the birth control and I literally had every single one of them. Nausea, headaches, diziness, nervousness, depression, loss of appetite. Got them all. And what doesn't help is that he left for a semester abroad. I think I would be doing decent if not for this shit. But this shit is amplifying every tiny feeling I have to an extreme level. One second, i'm okay. The next, i'm crazy. So I apologize to anyone if they get the weirdo end of this. I'm trying to force myself to be fun, happy, goofy me again. It'll happen once classes start and my girls get back and I start going out again. I just need to feel like me again.

Seeing him though definitely does help. Right now at least. Not sure if we can keep talking for hours at a time as this semester goes on but right now its exactly what I need.

Love you all. Bear with me for a few weeks!

Double awful timing

Starting BC the day before my boyfriend leaves for another country for 4 months was a bad idea. Bad bad idea.

I really don't know what to blame. But whever it is.. this is terrible for me. I keep telling myself its not gonna be that bad. I'll be fine. Just enjoy my semester for what its worth. A boy doesn't define me or my school year.

I agree with everything I just typed but someone please tell my eyes to stop doing what they're doing. I'm going to be an emotional wreck the next couple of days.

The little things you do to me

I need to learn to be alone. Yes. I need to learn to be independent. Yes. I need to learn that I don't ALWAYS have to have a boy to talk to. Yes. I need to learn to go to bed at night without talking hours to someone. YES.

But why.. please answer this. Why are you so hard to be apart from?

There's a part of me

That really wishes DG would have worked out. I still have that same feeling as I had last year. I have this feeling that i'm supposed to be in a sorority. It's too late now. I've joined and left. I can't do anything about it. But I really do feel like I missed something. Maybe it was just the way sororities appeared or looked from a distance but when I was actually in it.. it wore off. I just remember going through rush wanting to be in one so bad. Was it DG? Would this have happened in any of them? It's too late now, I know. But I can't help thinking about it.

Christmas time is here

Merry Christmas, friends.

I love you all so much! Hope your Christmas is so wonderful!

A Melody in my head that I can't keep out

Hola everybody! Don't know where i've been the past few weeks. Wherever it was it was obviously a place where I couldn't update my blog. Because..oops! Haven't been very good at that.

There really isn't much going on in my life right now. Pretty low-key and relaxing. Sometimes on the verge of boring but thats what being snowed-in in an already boring town can do to you!

Started/finishing filming for "The Big Idea" with the OhGood boys yesterday. The shoot went really well. 7 hour day! Yeesh. I'm still playing with the idea of being a film actor.. I like the idea. I think its all really interesting. However, I really have yet to fully jump into a character as I do on the stage. It's so so SO difficult to be in a character for 8 seconds and then hear cut than it is to stay in one for an hour and a half. Also, i'm super hypercritical. So whenever I see footage of me played back, I never like it. I guess thats why some of the big leagues never watch their films.. it makes sense to me.

Still trying to find New Years plans. No clue what they could be. Supposed to go to Wintergreen for a skiing weekend with some friends from school but the house (that NEVER gets rented!) is rented over New Years. Searching desperately for a plan B. Help out if you can..

Going to Busch Gardens today for Christmastown! Originally I was supposed to go and see Jason since its in the middle of us, but now my whole family wants to go. Wish him luck!

Thats all for now. Merry Christmas! Hope its wondahful!

And you hiding behind your camera

Quick thought:

What is it with our fascination about performing real life? So many times we, as actors, try to portray real life so accurately. We scrutinize reality to try to mimic it for the stage, or screen. But why can't we just live our lives. Not analyzing but living. When can we forget how to copy, and start really being.